I can't believe she's almost one!

This past year has just flown by. It probably just seems that way to me because I've been in a stupor. Having a newborn and sleep deprivation will do that to a person. Whenever I try to imagine what was going on a year ago I'm flummoxed. Then I realize I was pregnant then. And that just doesn't seem possible because that would mean that D1 isn't here yet and it seems like she's been a part of our family forever. Dave also started grad school last fall so to protect my sanity I've probably just blocked out most of it. I'm sure you would too if you had a newborn, a son with autism, three kids in three different elementary schools, a husband who was working full time while going to grad school full time while also working a side job -or two, being the mission "mom" for a sibling, plus all that goes into running a house. Basically, D1 (that stands for Daughter #1 by the way) was a bright ray of sun that helped me to stay afloat. Don't get me wrong, the boys make me happy too. But really, who can look at a baby and not smile? She just makes everyone happy. Anyway, you may have seen these photos on Facebook, but I thought I'd post them again. They are of D1 the day after she was born.

Anyway, every time she does something new I get amazed because I just can't believe how quickly she's growing. I certainly enjoyed the first four months spending as much time cuddling her in the recliner as possible. By the time she was five months old she was army crawling everywhere to get toys she wanted. At the end of her fifth month she was sitting up. Six months old brought four teeth. Seven months brought actual full on speed crawling. Eight months brought the end of nursing as she was too focused on seeing what her brother's were doing, even though she could only hear them. Now she's approaching a year, cruising everywhere, climbing on everything, going up and down the stairs, gives the sweetest kisses, says hi and a handful of other words, wants to feed herself and is in general a very determined and resourceful little girl. Her seventh tooth is coming in and she's standing up on her own and trying to start walking. And to top it all off she is as cute as a button!

I seriously feel like she's been part of our family forever. I didn't miss her before she got here or felt like anyone was missing but I can't imagine life without her now. She is a loving kid. I love to see her and S1 try to give each other kisses. It's so tender. She absolutely adores him. S2 makes her laugh her head off. With S3 she knows she'll have a good time, but might also get bonked so sometimes she's ambivalent. When Dad walks in the door she absolutely lights up. D1 is also very social. She loves to visit with others at church and is happy to visit others in their home. She positively loves her little cousins! She lucked out and has three cousins, all girls, born within a year of her. She loves to give the two she's met kisses and hugs.

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I LOVE having a little girl! Dressing her up is fun but it's just different than the boys. I was enamoured with the boys too but this is some how different. It's hard to put my finger on and I'm not sure if it's just because we had such a large gap. But oh how I love having her. I guess part of it is that my expectations for our relationship versus my relationship with the boys are somewhat different.

I imagine the boys growing up and leaving me. One day, two of them at least-hopefully, will find a woman to replace me. Someone they'll love more than me. It's inevitable. It's the way it's supposed to be. They'll start their own homes and they'll still love me, but they won't need me like they need me now. But with a girl it's different. It's her dad that'll get replaced, I'll always be her mom. If I do things right, I'll always be the woman she loves the most. Well, at least until she has her own daughter and then she'll realize just how much I love her.