SO unfair

Okay, I realize that life is in no way fair. But sometimes it just kills me how unfair it can be. I just read this article, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18660812/ , on msnbc about how they are starting to figure out ways to diagnose autism in infants. Great. What killed me and made me cry was reading that the state of California PAYS the $70,000 a year needed for intense therapy that so often helps kids with autism to function much closer to "normal". Why does a child born in one state reap such benefits when those in another get almost none? Aren't we all supposed to be part of the same great nation? Dave and I were both born and raised in California, our parents still live there. We got transplanted due to school and job availability in California (slim pickin's for music teachers as most programs had been cut). During the time that S1 would have received this intervention, it wasn't even possible for us to live in California due to Dave's schooling.

It's so frustrating to know that because we didn't have $50,000 to $70,000 for therapy every year for three years that S1's development may have been hampered for the rest of his earthly life. I know that we did all we could for him at the time and that the Lord will bless S1 and us to deal with whatever comes our way, but sometimes the injustice of it all is overwhelming. Thanks for letting me vent. If we ever have another child and they are autistic, guess where we are moving back to?

Medic Alert

S1 now has a medic alert bracelet. His grandpa has one and since he had a discount for a family member, generously purchased a bracelet and one year membership for S1. So, the next time he "escapes", people will be able to identify him. He got a cool sports band with music notes on it, not that he has noticed mind you. S1 has definitely noticed the bracelet, he has tried to rip it off a few times, but I don't think he has paid any attention to the notes yet. He hates wearing things like bracelets.

It gives me more peace of mind. But people constantly amaze me. Like a couple of weeks ago at church. I sat him down, right next to his teacher, she knew he was there. I then went to prep my Sunbeam class room and lesson, Dave was playing with the orchestra. When I went back into the primary room, I looked at S1's class and he was not there. I asked his teacher, "Where's S1?" She said, "Huh?"

He was no where in the primary room! Right outside the primary room there is a set of double doors going outside. Apparently his teacher had thought someone was missing but couldn't think who wasn't with the class. S1 just slipped out when she wasn't looking I guess, it's happened to me. Anyway, so I immediately am worried he's gone outside but I couldn't see anyone when I opened the doors. So I headed back down to the chapel where he likes to sneak off and play the piano. No luck. As I was headed back outside, someone called that they found him.

He had gone across the hall into the Sunday School room. He was sitting next to a sister looking at her baby's book. No one in there bothered to wonder what a primary kid was doing in Sunday School, without a parent, just hanging out. Or to come and tell anyone in the primary, or find his parent! We've been in the ward for over 2 1/2 years people! The ward isn't that big, we are rather small. So anyway, it just amazes me how apathetic people can be. It just makes me realize how much danger S1 will be in if he does get out in the world alone because if the people who know him and know his disabilities are so apathetic, what can you expect of those who don't?

Budding Artist

What is worse than having a two year old who has discovered that your walls are his canvas? Having a seven year old autistic kid who discovered the same thing! Now my walls, especially the kitchen ones, are covered in all sorts of lovely designs. Luckily the markers are washable, so that damage is minimal. It's when they've grabbed the crayons or a ball point pen that we have the main problem. Sure, magic eraser gets off the crayon, but the ball point pen can be more difficult. Maybe I'll try rubbing alcohol tomorrow. But what's the point because as soon as I am putting my cleaning supplies away the little artist will be at it again!

Life in the Fast Lane

We're only in the fast lane, or maybe it would be better said the slow lane because everything is just speeding by! I can't believe that we are already in May. Wow. Lately I've been stressed with my calling because all three boys are home while I try to run Activity Days. Managing six girls ages 8 and 9 and trying to help them learn something worthwhile while having fun is a challenge in and of itself. But when you throw one boy in who is constantly interrupting and two more who think they are activity day girls and want to participate, it can almost drive you insane! By the end of July I will have eleven girls due to new move ins and birthdays. It shall be an adventure.

My calling as a Sunbeam teacher has been a stretch too. Dave has been playing with the orchestra a lot for the broadcast so he's missed quite a few Sundays. By the time I get the boys ready for church and wrangle them all through Sacrament meeting, my patience is pretty thin when I get to my seven wriggly sunbeams. Having to police them while teaching wears thin. Don't worry, I don't swear at the sunbeams, but I definitely am drained by the time we get home on our day of "rest".

S1 has been gaining weight now that we have dropped the Zonegran. It's only a couple of pounds but he sure looks healthier. He loves school. He really enjoyed having his aunt Katie around last week because she kept playing the flute. It was a bit shrill for his tastes (he prefers the tuba) but he still liked it none the less. One of his math goals is to match like objects. He has been matching silverware at school so now his chore at home is to put away the silverware. I of course have to stand behind him so he doesn't run away, but when I hand him a spoon, fork or butter knife, he puts it in the right slot in the drawer. Well, he pretty much chucks it at the right slot so it makes it half way in and then I straighten it. We'll work on accuracy later. He just needs to have a chore to do.

S2 is quick as a whip. He's enjoyed visiting with his cousin Lorna this last month. Since she left he talks about going with her to the reptile museum, the animal farm and the zoo. She is a year older and very bright too. The only down side to the visit is that he heard how well she reads. Afterwards he didn't want to read because he couldn't do it as well as Lorna. It took a few days before we could convince him to read again, assuring him that he read very well for his age (4) and that when he was a year older like his cousin, if he kept practicing, he'd be reading just as well as her.

S3 is no longer my baby. He turned two last week and is one rough and tumble kid. S2 and S3 love to wrestle and rough house. I am forever telling them to calm down. This also meant that I finally took his bottle away. He only got two a day, one at nap time and one at bedtime. Oh how it broke my heart when he cried for his ba ba so I caved a little and let him have one filled with water. He yelled NO! and wanted nothing to do with it. So I just left it next to him and let him know that if he changed his mine it was there. He's such a sweet kid, always giving hugs and saying "tank two".

Dave is doing well at school, having a blast teaching. He also loves playing with the orchestra. Dave is also part of a couple of groups so he plays weddings and other gigs a couple times a month. Currently he has the opportunity to be the Assistant Marching Band Director at BYU but we aren't sure it would work out well for our family. It is full time for six months only (July 1 to December 31) and then nothing. Then to be repeated year after year as long as they/we wanted. Of course Dave would give his right arm (and possibly his wife's also) for this opportunity but we'd have to figure out what he could do to support us from January to June! As Dave has said, he loves to do everything and it's hard not to be able to do it all. Well, isn't life hard? ;)

There's the short version of what we are up to. I'll write about my "vacation" later.

New Photos

I have posted new photos from S1's birthday and from Christmas. More updates will follow, how soon you never know!

Learning New Words

I read this article on Yahoo earlier today and thought I would post the link for all to read. It talks about how autistic kids have trouble learning new words compared to other kids. Yet they can still distinguish between real words and fake words. Enjoy.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20070504/hl_hsn/autistickidshavedifficultieslearningwords

It's about time

Yep, that's why I haven't blogged in a while - it's about time. And time is the one commodity that I have even less of than money! Hard to believe isn't it. To catch everyone up to speed in a much abbreviated version of my life, March went like this. First week- throw bridal shower for my sister, take the three boys to Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm and California Adventure with David's high school choir and steel drum band (riding the charter bus to and from - I also got to see Wicked thanks to college friends who watched the boys). Second week- get the flu and spend the entire week in bed, hardly able to move and escort sister through temple and attend sealing/reception (luckily at the end of the week so I was doing MUCH better by then). Third week- recover from the flu and the horrible sinus garbage that it left me with and get back to the gym since I had a two week hiatus, attend Neighborhood Board Meeting. Fourth week- pull together my assignment on my mission reunion committee-refreshments-and attend reunion.

So that's it in a tiny nutshell. S1 has had his medications adjusted and now we are watching to see if he will start gaining weight. He is seven years old and weighed 40.8 pounds as of March 17th. To compare, S2 is 4 and 1/2 and weighs 43 pounds and S3 who is 2 (on May 2nd) weighs 32 pounds. You know the kid is too skinny when he and the "baby" wear the same size diaper! I am constantly trying to get S1 to eat, which he usually does. He also gets to eat more cookies than anyone else because he needs them!

Speaking of which, I am doing well with going to the gym. So far since I started going at the end of December, I have lost 15 pounds and 2.5 % body fat. On Saturday I am off to New Mexico to visit a cousin, so we'll see where I am at when I get back and have to weigh in! Ha. Good luck to me.

Amazing Vocabulary

Okay, maybe amazing isn't the right word, but S2 always amazes me with the words he knows and how he chooses to use them. Today S1 was feeling a bit under the weather and was cuddling in my lap, still dressed in his pajamas. S2 comes into the room and looks at us and asks, "Mom, why does S1 have a large hole in his pajamas?" FYI, he was wearing pj's with feet on them and the hole was in the bottom of one of the feet. I said that it was because S1 had just worn them out. I just got a kick out of the fact that S2 would use the word large to describe the hole. Later on I was playing with S1 and discovered that both feet have holes in the bottom, and one is twice the size of the other, hence the need for S2 to say large hole instead of just hole!

Now we're cookin'!

S1 loves the stove, which wouldn't be such a problem if he wasn't autistic and prone to drop seizures. He also loves to watch cooking shows, the blue flame below the pot and stir whatever he possibly can. So tonight was a special treat for him, getting to help dad make spaghetti. I must say he did better than I expected. It's still cooking but S1 helped by putting salt in the water (hand over hand with dad), putting the lid on the pot of water (by himself), helping dad get the frozen hamburger from the big freezer in the garage, putting it in the microwave and adding the spaghetti to the boiling water, stirring it and getting the lid back on. In the meantime I was washing dishes. It was great to see my two guys working together and the tenderness that Dave has with S1.

Achoo

The other morning, I lay in bed with S1 snuggled up beside me. He suddenly sneezed a couple of times. So I said, "Bless you". To which he responded, "Achoo!" I said, "yes s1, bless you." Again he said, "Achoo!" Again I said, "Bless you." Again "Achoo!" "S1," I said, " I know that you sneezed and so I said Bless you." To which he replied, " Achoo, Achoo, Achoo". Of course one more word he can say, not that it is terribly useful, but we'll take what we can get!

Another Good Reason

After I posted about joining the gym, I forgot to mention another benefit to going. I shower every day! Now, it may seem gross to some of you that I didn't before, but as any mother with small children will tell you, daily bathing of ones self is at times a luxury. So, now not only do I feel better, I smell a lot better too! Well, at least after my shower.

You're sick? Thank goodness

Well, as the parent of an autistic child, I can tell you it is difficult when they are home from school. Talk about bored and having to be occupied every minute. S1 normally loves to try and leave the house because he always wants to be on the go. Plus he doesn't understand why there is no school. Well, winter break came and S1 had eight days off plus the two weekends - twelve days without his normal routine and without getting out of the house for extended periods of time. I didn't know how we were all going to make it!

Luckily the first couple of days weren't too bad - he just thought it was the weekend. Plus, we did try to get out of the house to run a couple of errands and play in the snow in our yard. Then he had respite on Saturday. Then it was Christmas Eve and we went to church so he got out of the house then. Monday was Christmas and well, that was pretty exciting. He had so much fun with the new stuff and new DVD's that he forgot all about being outside. Then the "miracle" occurred.

Okay, it wasn't really a miracle, but it definitely was a God send. He woke up Tuesday sick! Not sick sick, I'm not that twisted. Just enough that he didn't want to go outside or move really! He spent the next four or five days just lounging around the house. He never had a fever, threw up or had nasty diapers - just lethargic and a little stuffed up. Thursday he just slept on and off all day on the couch. We did our best to keep him hydrated and make him comfortable. Saturday rolled around and he was up and moving again. But that was alright - we had survived the week! Saturday night (the 30th) we went out as a family and drove to a Christmas lights display. We had tried to go a week earlier but the line to get in was horrendous. This time there was no line at all. It's one of those that you drive through. The kids got a kick out of it. Then we got slurpees (not mom though). Sunday was church again, Monday was New Year's Day so he had fun watching the parade and football games with their bands with dad. Then Tuesday it was back to school!

I am always grateful for small mercies, although I did feel bad that he had to be sick during his vacation time - even though he didn't realize it. That's the only reason I can be happy about it. If he had known, I would have felt worse for the little guy.

Was I lying to myself?

The week before Christmas I was at the mall getting a race car for S2. While there I noticed that the gym was having a special where childcare was free with membership (the gym had a kiosk at the mall, not a gym in the mall). Well, I have always claimed that I am out of shape because even if I could pay $20 a month to go to the gym, I couldn't afford the $80 - $100 in child care it would cost me while I went to the gym. Now, was that just an excuse or was it the truth? Time to test myself.

So I asked the guy about it and found out that for just $279 I would have a 15 month VIP membership (so that's averages out to $18.60 per month), which included up to 90 minutes of child care for each of my kids every day! The only catch was that you had to pay it either up front or in three installments, no month to month. So now I had to face myself and find out if I had been lying to myself (and to everyone else) or if this was the deal that I had been waiting for. It was the deal I had been waiting for. Taking some money that we had gotten for Christmas, I paid for the whole thing up front.

I started going to the gym the day after Christmas and have gone 5x a week ever since. So in the three weeks that I have been going, I have lost two pounds (not very impressive) AND 2% of my body fat! Hooray. Needless to say those stats are keeping me motivated. I also signed up for a personal trainer once a month ($20 a month) to help me keep on track and help me feel accountable. My eating habits have also changed. Instead of eating only one or two meals a day (because I am always running around) I am eating at least four and am keeping a food journal.

Plus, I LOVE going. It is so nice to have time and do something for myself! It is also a great stress reliever so I can better deal with what is going on. I feel so much better now. The first two weeks I was too sore and tired to feel better, but that has gone away now. It's so good to really sweat again. When I was in high school, I played basketball, volleyball and softball plus rode my bike everywhere. In college I didn't play as many organized sports, but I still rode my bike and I took swimming and weight training. After I got married and moved to the frozen land of Rexburg, my activity decreased as I was working full time and commuting. Then I got pregnant and well, it's been downhill ever since. The more out of shape I got, the worse my back and knees got preventing me from doing things and making a vicious cycle.

Well, apart from the other improvements I've made in three weeks, I have strengthened my back so much that it doesn't bother me as much as it used to and my knees are doing fine. So there is more motivation to continue. The only down side is that in order to get the child care at the times that I need it, I have to call in a week in advance-the furthest out they'll let you schedule. So it is a bit of a pain to try and remember to call every morning to get the best times, but it is well worth it. Plus, I usually go when S1 is in school and S2 and S3 love to go to the gym daycare.

Okay, here is the nitty gritty for those of you who care to know (and for journaling purposes), for the rest, just go to another post. When I go, four days a week I warm up on the bike for 10 minutes. Then I do my weight training, which is a four day cycle which I always mix up so my body doesn't get stuck in the same old rut. One day it's triceps, another back and biceps, another shoulders and abs, and last my legs. Then if I have time before my child care is up or I have to leave early to get S2 from preschool, I do 20 minutes on the treadmill. On my fifth day I do cardio. It's 10 minutes on the bike, 20 minutes on the treadmill and then I repeat it.

As far as eating, I have been told that if you don't eat within an hour of getting up, then your body goes into starvation mode and stores the first 1000 calories that you eat as fat (a random trainer told me that). How much of that I buy into (especially the one hour part), I'm not sure. But breakfast is supposed to jumpstart your metabolism and if it's not going, you aren't going to be burning as many calories. So, I bought a box of Slimfast Meal Replacement Drinks and I have one of those for breakfast (meal #1)as I get kids off to school. I have to pour it over ice and choke it down over the course of a half an hour, but it seems to be helping. The first two weeks I went to the gym I was still busy eating all the holiday crap that we had around. I just can't throw it out- that would be a waste!

Meal #2 is mid morning and it's usually whole wheat toast with either an egg or fruit. Meal # 3 is some kind of lunch with veggies or salad and a sandwich with some type of protein. Sometimes it's fresh salsa (only if I can get it on sale) and chips with avocados (also on sale). Meal #4 is dinner. That I keep pretty normal but I am trying to watch how many "extra" calories get added to it in the way of dressings and such.

Plus I am drinking a ton of water now. At least one glass with every meal, but usually closer to two. And I am taking a multi-vitamin. One of those that I have had in my cupboard for ages just I never remembered to take it! Now I get one almost everyday.

So, hopefully the next time you see me I will be looking better. I know that I will at least be feeling better- especially since I am not a liar!

Rambling

Rambling, that's what I plan to do in this post! Can you tell the holidays and the subsequent recovery have taken over my life? I knew it had been a while since I had posted, but it's been almost six weeks. Amazing. So, we stayed home for the holidays, but things were still busy. We had several Christmas parties to attend for David's work and groups he plays in. It was a lot of fun and it was nice to get to go out and not have to pay for it! You all know what a penny pincher I can be. Then it was Christmas, which I will write about in another post soon, I promise. Dave had six days off so there was a lot of Playstation 2 going on at our home. It was also filled with late nights and sleeping in. The best was one day when the kids even slept in until 10:30 am! We also used the time to do things as a family and visit with friends and relatives. Then school got back into full swing and I have tried to get into shape! Well, a shape other than the round squishy one that I am currently in. More on that in another post.

Anyway, since I sent out Christmas letters telling everyone to check my blog, I guess that I had better start writing in it again! Hopefully I will keep up on doing it every few days.

Free Time "Fun"

So, this afternoon S2 was happily playing downstairs, S1 was at school and S3 was down for a nap. Oh, I wondered, what to do with this precious 30 minutes of "free" time? No one to distract me? Why mop the floor of course! This past week I have swept the floor every day with the intent to mop it, but with little feet running around it proved impossible. So today, when I could have been crafty, I was instead having a lovely time mopping the floor. At least it is clean now! That is, it is clean until S1 comes home from school in five more minutes and stomps on it in his snow boots, or S2 decides to pour something himself and spills on it or I feed S3 and he decides he is done and drops it on the floor. Well, at least it was clean for at least 20 minutes, the time it took to dry before I let anyone on it!

Fat Chance

Today one of my friends sent me an update with pics of the kids. One was of them on a family trip to Sea World. In this picture the dad was behind the camera and mom and two kids were sitting in their seats excitedly watching the show, mom's arm out pointing to whatever was going on. If you ever think you'll be getting a picture like that from us, Fat Chance! S1 could never stand in line that long for starters. Second, he wouldn't be able to sit still long enough to watch the show. We'd have to get up and leave after ten minutes. I think that is one of the hardest parts of having a child with special needs, not being able to participate in some of the "normal" family activities, that you had dreamed of, because it would just be too difficult, physically and emotionally. In the end you have to decide is the outcome going to be worth the trauma? Right now, the answer is no.

Best seat in the house

I shall write this as if I was S1 doing it according to what I think must be going on in his head:

Hmmmm, I think I'll go into the kitchen. I feel like sitting down. Hmmm, mom is sitting in a chair. Silly mom, that doesn't look too comfortable. I'll pull down my own seat. Oh, it's nice to sit on this oven door and bounce. Good thing it's not hot today. What's the problem mom? Wait, the dishwasher (it's portable) is next to the stove. Ooooh, I bet I can sit on that door too. Let's see. Yes, it does open. I can sit cross-legged on it and see myself in the oven door reflection. Now to pull out these clean wooden spoons and start drumming wherever. Cool. This is definetly the best seat in the house. What's mom's problem?

I have to assume this is what he is thinking, because what else would it be?

Nap or No Nap

Well, Thanksgiving was a huge hit. It was us and two of Dave's siblings. There was more than enough food to go around. The boys enjoyed playing with their aunt and uncle - mom and dad are sooo boring. However, no one napped as I had expected even though they did watch football and eat turkey. So, I tried to lay down anyway and even though I was tired, I only managed to get S2 to fall asleep. Of course that meant that I was then up and doing the dishes. There weren't many since we used paper and plastic and I cleaned up as I went along, mostly. My MIL will be so proud of me!

Aunt K kept trying to get S3 to say her name. But every time anyone said, "S3, say Aunt K," he would reply back "NO!" So we'll just start calling her Aunt No from now on.

Dave borrowed a PS2 so there was a lot of that going on. We also watched a bit of the parade but S1 lost interest whenever the band went off camera.

The "fun" part was that my SIL spent the night and we got up at 4:30 am to get some killer deals when the stores opened at 5 am. We were mostly lucky. Now my Christmas shopping is almost complete. However, by the time we hit the check out at our third stop, Bath & Body Works, I forgot to pay for my purchase with the gift card I had! Urgh. Oh well, they have a new sale that starts tomorrow! He he he. Watch the photo blog because I will be downloading some pics from the glorious day of indulgence.

No Tryptophan

Right now I plan on taking a huge nap on Thanksgiving afternoon. I figure if this last Saturday was any indication of what is to come on Turkey day, then all my boys will be sleeping soundly. Last Saturday Dave was watching football and all the males in the house fell asleep. True it was S3's nap time and S2 went crying to his bed for a time out and fell asleep. But S1 fell asleep while watching football, and so did his dad! I had to laugh. I never realized that televised football could be such a strong sedative. I had a couple of hours to clean without interruption! Now imagine that combined with all the tryptophan in the turkey come Thursday and they should all take a nice long siesta, which means that I can take a break too.

Halloween

Well, as you can tell things have been busy, but I did promise to write about Halloween so here it is. Being at a children's hospital for Halloween was a blast! Around 9 am they came around and told everyone that there would be face painting and stuff in the play room. So S3 and I went down to play. Well, they also had an assortment of costumes for the kids to dress up in for the day. They were all donated so they made us take them home. S3 was an ER doc so we wrapped gauze around my head and painted a bloody spot on it. Then at 10:30 am they had a Halloween party where the kids got to parade their outfits and eat sugar cookies iced like pumpkins and drink apple cider. After this it was back to our room because S3 was ready to nap.

We originally were told we might go home on Tuesday, which was Halloween, but since he hadn't been eating or drinking very well they decided to keep us one more day. Also, they removed the drain from S3's head Tuesday morning. Well, S3 woke up just in time to get dressed again and go trick or treating around the hospital around 2 pm. He came away with quite the haul of candy, toys and trinkets. He had a blast and everyone thought he was the cutest little ER doc. After Trick or Treating it was time for another nap.

He ate well at dinner and breakfast so first thing Wednesday morning they discharged us. He acquired two new stuffed animals and a blanket from the hospital plus we had all the Halloween stuff, my stuff and of course the killer balloon from Grandma F - tropical fish "swimming" inside a clear balloon.

If you want to see pictures, you can go to my new photo blog. It is where I will post photos of the kids and such. It is easy to remember because it is www.momstampsphotos.blogspot.com. I will also try to get a link up to it from this page. Also, not all my pictures are there because for some reason it says it is uploading certain pics but then they aren't there and I don't have the brain power to figure it out now!

Anyway, things have been going great and except for being bald and the scar, you never would have known that S3 had surgery - okay and his head shape but I am talking about in all other aspects than physical. We have enjoyed having Grandma W here to help out with the boys and helping around the house. She'll be here until Wednesday when she leaves for her sister's home in WA. S3 has his follow up appointment on Tuesday and we'll let you know how that goes.