What a Good Little Helper Part 3

Today when S1 and I were going down the hall, we came upon D1 sitting in the middle of the walkway. As I watched to make sure no one got their toes or fingers smashed, D1 purposely dropped her pacifier. S1 noticed she had dropped it and immediately bent over, picked it up, and sweetheart that he is, tried to put it in her mouth, and tried again when she turned her head, and tried again. At this point I had to intervene to take the binky from him before D1 had it stuck in her ear/eye. He then carefully walked around her and on his merry way. But so proud of him that he'd try to help her, what a good brother!

What a Good Little Helper Part 2

S1 totally cracks me up. Last night Dave was going to go pick up a prescription and I was going to Wally World. S3 was going to go with me and S1 was going with Dad. S2 is old enough and mature enough to stay home with D1 for half an hour while we ran our errands. D1 wasn't feeling well and we didn't want to take her out and it was getting late.

I went down the stairs to tell S1 that he was going to go on a car ride with dad. He, of course, went happily up the stairs. But then he started trying to drag me to the door. I told him he was going with dad but he saw me with my wallet and was not letting go. That's when he noticed D1 sitting on the floor in front of us. He dragged me over to her and pulled my arm down towards her. When I didn't pick her up, he proceeded to bend over and take her by the arm and lift it up to my arm - which he still was pulling down. Apparently he's figured out that she goes where I go so if I was going to take him anywhere, he'd better get sister first! So proud of him.

Top Five Reasons You Should Never Piss Off an Autism Mom

This list is so true, every single one. I try to be as civil/polite/Christ-like as I can but some days are certainly harder than others. Here's the original link, but I copied it below with some minor adjustments to eliminate the foul language (changed words are in bold and italics). But here is the link if you want to go to the original article or check out the website.

http://laughingthroughtears.com/2011/10/21/top-five-reasons-you-should-never-piss-off-an-autism-mom/

"We’ve all been there. Every autism mom has had at least one encounter with some insensitive jerk who insulted our children or criticized our parenting. It might have been the perfectly groomed soccer mom who said your child was merely spoiled, or maybe the old biddy that told you to take your screaming kid outside even though you were already dragging him out the door in a Fireman Carry, or maybe just some random mean guy who muttered, “This is why I hate kids” under his breath while your child happily flapped past him.

Usually we just have to mention “autism” and the critics slink away, embarrassed and with their tails between their legs, but every now and then you meet somebody who is such a huge punk they don’t care if your kid is autistic, they just care that your child’s noise/stim/existence is annoying to them, and they don’t hesitate to tell you about how obnoxious your child is and what a terrible job you’re doing raising him.

Sometimes their callousness shocks us silent, and we sit in the car afterward, thinking of all the retorts we could have made. Sometimes we take the higher ground and walk away, and sometimes we dig in and defend ourselves. (And sometimes we defend ourselves loudly and with many obscenities, but that witch in the bookstore deserved it!)

These people who attack us are horrible because they have no empathy. They’re shallow people who probably lead miserable lives devoid of depth and meaning. They need to learn compassion and respect, but mostly they need to learn to fear us, because autism moms are not to be trifled with.

Top Five Reasons You Should Never Piss Off an Autism Mom

Five. We’re Already on the Defensive
What? You think you’re the first person to think I’m a bad mother? Get in line. People have been assuming I’m a bad mother for the last five years. I chew up people who think I’m a bad parent for breakfast. You think there’s something wrong with my kid? No duh, Sherlock – this panel of physicians and psychologists agrees with you. Tell us something we don’t know. Have something new and clever to add? No? NO? I didn’t think so…

In other words, we have experience with punks like you.

Four. We Are Not Socially Well-Adjusted
We were real people once, and we will be real people again someday, but right now we’re living on the fringe of polite society. We have cut ties and discarded the family and friends who couldn’t handle our situation. We all suffer from severe PTSD. Our houses are messy, our surfaces are sticky, and we know the words to way too many Wiggles songs. We clean up disasters that you couldn’t even begin to contemplate. We live in semi-isolation, trying to have philosophical conversations with children who only know 18 words. We wear yoga pants all day. Our lives are not like other people’s lives. Do you really want to make us angry? Or do you want to give us a really really wide berth and back away slowly because you’re scared of what we might do if we snap? Yes. Good choice.

Three. We Know How to Fight
Autism moms know how to fight because we practice. We fight all day long. We fight with doctors about treatment, and then we fight with insurance companies to get it paid for. We fight with the state over services and we fight with schools about our IEPs. We fight with our families who won’t come to visit us anymore and we fight with our husbands to let off steam from all the other fighting we’re constantly doing. We fight with our children to make them keep their pants on in public. Do you think for a second that we would hesitate to fight with a complete stranger who was totally asking for it?

Two. We’re Already Angry
Autism moms carry huge amounts of unprocessed rage just below the surface. We’re mad at God or the universe or fate or whatever it is out there that gave our children autism. We are furious at the cards we were dealt and indignant that such a horrible thing had to happen to our children. We are angry about the loss of the child we were supposed to have, and we never truly stop mourning. We’re angry at the doctors who didn’t catch it early enough and also at the doctors who did. We hold a grudge against anybody who ever failed us as we tried to make sense of this chaos, and we’re also furious at ourselves, because we constantly feel like we’re not doing enough to help and we’re secretly afraid that it might somehow be our fault in the first place. We are already walking bundles of resentment…do you want to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back?

One. We’re Sleep Deprived
Some of us haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years. Between the stress, depression, anxiety, and the kid who wakes up screaming for popsicles at 3 a.m., we’re all beyond exhausted. We’re muddled and short-tempered and irrational and crazy. Like ax murderer crazy. Like Mel Gibson crazy. There are all sorts of studies linking sleep deprivation to psychosis and that would probably hold up in court if I decided to assault you. Keep that in mind the next time you fail to keep your opinions to yourself, and beware the autism mom."

So if you wonder what ever happened to me because I'm different than I used to be (like more uptight), now you know. Thankfully I have the gospel of Jesus Christ to help me deal with lots of the issues that come up as an Autism Mom, but it doesn't mean I don't have issues!

I'm Not Backing Down

I'm not going to name names, but I hate it when people try to not accommodate S1. I'll be vague because although I don't think the offendee will read this blog, it's not just them, it's the way people in general generally deal with those with disabilities-especially with mental/cognitive ones. They don't consciously say, "let's exclude S1", but they don't think about what will be needed to include him. Then at the last minute, accommodations can be difficult to make.

It's something he's supposed to participate in. Just because you are going to have to make some minor adjustments to make room for his helper, don't expect me to back down and say "Oh, we'll just keep him home since it's so much trouble" because it will make things easier for YOU. It should have been part of the plan from the beginning. Because you know what, it's not about you, it's about S1 and what he is supposed to be doing. I know you may be stressed, but this is not the way to relieve your stress. I guess they don't realize how many accommodations and adjustments I've had to make to my dreams, hopes, life, and goals, how I've had to reorganize my entire life. If people did, they'd never behave that way.

Let me make it clear, I was never told nor asked to keep him home. However, that is what I was feeling pressured to do in not so many words as we politely went back and forth over the situation. But I held my ground about his participation. Maybe it was all in my head, but I don't think so. It's also hard because I don't know this person that well, but I will be over the coming months. The person is also new to this job so they are still learning-which is why even though I'm not super happy about having to be so firm (I really don't like confrontation, but I'll do it if it's needed), I don't hold it against them or have any hard feelings. In fact, they've been very attentive and trying to learn what S1 needs so they can better serve him, not to mention getting to know our family and what we need. It's just a situation that we have encountered over and over again with family, the school district, and programs/peoples in general. I just dislike having to teach people all the time. Especially right now when I am so worn down and tired and waiting for marching band to be done!

Roller Coasters-The Faster and Higher the Better

So today the kids didn't have school so we took them all to the local amusement park. When asked if they had a good day, S2 replied, "It was awesome!" S3 felt the same way. I assume S1 was also in agreement as he didn't want to get off of any of the rides and when he did go down the exit ramp, he was all hippity skippity. We meant to get to the park early but it was a vacation day for us too so we slept in a bit, had a leisurely breakfast and by the time we got our act together and to the park it was time for lunch.

We hit up the Subway next to the park for lunch only to discover that they only had two foot long breads and one six inch bread left! Apparently they were hit a lot harder than they expected and the bread that was baking wouldn't be ready for another 25 to 30 minutes. So we cleaned them out of the rest of their bread. We ate in the car and finally headed into the park shortly before 2 pm. When we first entered we hit all the kiddie rides. D1 had fun watching everyone and everything. S3 was afraid of everything and we had to make him ride even the kiddie rides, which he, of course, ended up liking. S1 would see a ride, get all excited, start running to it, see another ride, change directions, repeat. He had a hard time when we would try to get him to the first ride, reminding him he wanted to ride it, promising we'd go to the other ride next. Then there was waiting in line. Since it was a Thursday, the lines were rather reasonable but it was still hard for him to have to wait at times. It was better with some rides than with others. As time went on, S1 did better with staying focused on the ride we were going to and waiting in line. The best part was that when he was having a hard time leaving a ride, they let him ride twice. The park's policy is that disabled guest who have difficulty with loading/unloading can ride with their parties twice in a row. His difficulty isn't physical but cognitive, so that was great they let him go twice.

We did have one major meltdown when the little train went by. I was trying to get him to the train house so we could ride it, he was trying to follow the train - which was going in the opposite direction as it had just left the station. I tried distraction with fruit snacks, singing, etc but finally Dave just had to pick him up and carry him. Once S1 could figure out what we were actually doing, he calmed down and waited for the train. D1 went on the train too and had a lot of fun. Dave and I liked seeing all the animals (like a mini-zoo) along the way too. She loved looking around at everything and everyone.

Since it is almost Halloween, the park was all decorated and had special events. The boys loved those. D1 eventually fell asleep and took a nap in her stroller. But she didn't fall asleep before she rode on the carousel, tug boats and train. The only real snafu was that all the boys went to get on a ride and I stayed with D1 to feed her some dinner. Well, S3 decided he had to go to the bathroom and would skip the ride so Dave sent him down to me. Only S3 didn't come to me. When Dave and the other boys got off the ride, Dave asked me where S3 was. I told him I had no clue. Well, by this point in time it was about 7 pm. It was dark, it was getting cold (we didn't bring jackets because we didn't think we'd be there that long), we hadn't had dinner yet and now S3 was missing and S1 was starting to melt down because of all of the above (tired, cold, hungry) and he didn't want to leave the last ride. So I left Dave with S2 and D1 while he looked for S3 and I took S1 to go on another ride. He finally found the one he wanted but he was having a hard time waiting in line and was making some noise and crying - with tears. S1 rarely cries with tears so I knew he was getting close to melting down again. Luckily the closer to the front of the line we got the calmer he became. Standing in front of us was a group of 8 teenagers. They started to interact with S1 and he even took one girls hand and had her counting down with him. While in line with S1 I saw S3 heading back to where he'd last seen his dad. I called out to him and he ran over to me. I started to call Dave but then S3 and I could see him so I sent him over to Dave -thank goodness for cell phones! Turns out that I really just have very independent kids, because S3 was just fine. He had to go to the bathroom, he knew where one was so off he went. And then he was coming back. Simple right? Anyway, S1 was content after his last ride and with some redirection we made it out of the park without any further incidence.

So, what did we learn from this?

1. Always bring the leash. When S1 is melting down, there is no physically holding onto him, he's too wriggly and strong. It's much easier to hold the leash while he wriggles than to try and keep a hold of his hand while he is running away. When he's on rides you can stuff the loose end into his pocket or wrap it around his wrist several times and tuck under itself to keep it from hanging loose.

2. Bring lots of snacks. Even though he ate lunch before we went in, and I brought a few things for S1, his later difficulties could have been toned down, if not avoided if he wasn't hungry. We weren't planning on staying so late but sometimes you're having too much fun to stop! Plus the other kids would have liked some fruit snacks too.

3. Bring a sweatshirt. We didn't plan on staying so late so we didn't bring anything. And I didn't want to haul around something we wouldn't use. But cold, tired kids-hungry or not- are not as much fun as warm, tired kids are.

4. Start with the big kid rides first. When we arrived, the park wasn't that full. But we hit the kiddie rides first because that's what we came to first. So by the time we got to the big kid rides, the lines were longer. More teenagers come to the park after dinner time and more of the little kids go home at dinner time. So we probably could have gotten more rides in had we done the real rides first and the kiddie rides last.

5. S1l loves it all. Okay, I already knew this. But it didn't matter which kind of ride it was, S1 loves them all. Whether it was a free fall, straight up or down, spiral, loop, sharp turn or spinning, S1 enjoys them all. I was worried about a couple of the rides and his head bouncing around, but then I saw little four and five year olds getting off the rides with their parents and felt that if they could handle it, certainly S1 who is almost twelve could.

We left the park and got everyone into the car. We headed down the road and stopped at the first exit with a fast food place. Everyone ate as we drove down the road as now it was almost 8 pm. No way was I taking tired, hungry kids into a restaurant of any kind. Especially S1 who under optimal circumstances has difficulty behaving well in a restaurant and actually eating, forget about it when he is tired beyond belief and about to crash. Within five minutes of the food being consumed, everyone was asleep except for myself and Matthew. But I lost him too about halfway home. Since everyone was asleep when we were nearing home, I stopped at the grocery store to get a gallon of milk so we'd have some for breakfast. Due to the milk stop and traffic from an accident, it was 9 pm when we got home. We got everyone out of the car and into bed ASAP.

It really was a great day and it made everyone happy to see how happy S1 was. He really had a blast. I can't wait to hear what he has to say someday. Hopefully it's not, "I can't believe you did that to me. I hated it, it was torture!" Because really, who knows, maybe his laugh takes the place of scream, like his wires got crossed. But with how willingly he gets on the rides and sometimes refuses to get off, I'm pretty sure he loves them!

What a Good Little Helper

Took the four kiddos to "respite" at S1's school tonight so I could do some shopping without them. When I went to pick them up, S1 was ready to drag me out the door but I told him we had to get his brother's and the baby first. We went to find them and while I chatted with the lady holding D1 he tried to pull me away again. I said, "No S1, we can't leave baby sister." So he reached up, grabbed D1's arm as she was still being held by said lady (who just adored her) and went to pull her out of the lady's arms! It cracked me up because that means he totally understood what I said and figured he'd speed up the process. Now we just have to work on his approach! My assumption is that he was trying to get me the baby so we could go but I think the lady was loathe to giver her up.

The main reason this tickles me is because I didn't really have to repeat myself for him to understand. I told him we needed his sister and so once he could see her, he tried to get her. Such a good little helper.

Teeth

For those of you who are dentist or whose spouses are dentist, this post may be more interesting to you! S1 has always had a penchant for falling on his face. Luckily his teeth have usually been spared. Even in the beginning it didn't matter so much if his teeth did get hit, they were just his baby teeth. But now that he's almost twelve, they are permanent and that's a whole new ball game! It just makes my stomach churn even thinking about anything happening to his adult teeth.

In July 2004 S1 had his first two teeth knocked out at the age of 4 1/2 by his two year old brother. Basically S1 had been using the computer and S2 wanted a turn-no joke. Due to his lack of coordination, it took S1 some time to turn around and get down from the chair. While S1 was facing the back of the chair trying to get his foot down, S2 was impatient and grabbed the top heavy chair and pulled it over. As S1 fell he did manage to put his hands down, but in between his hands was his solid, hard, plastic fisher-price drum. It knocked two front top teeth out of place, loosened a third and sent blood everywhere. Unfortunately it was on a Saturday of a holiday weekend so finding a dentist was a pain. The dentist put the two back into place the best he could and told us to see our regular dentist as soon as possible. We went in the next business day and he scheduled S1 for surgery to remove the teeth the next day. If the dentist had to remove all three teeth, he'd also have to pull out the fourth top front tooth to preserve spacing. Luckily S1 ended up only having to have F and G pulled because E firmed up. He went a few years with a funny side gap before his adult teeth came in. When his permanent teeth did come in, they had a couple of spots from all of the banging but were otherwise just like his mom's big old beaver teeth. I was very grateful.

Fast forward to fall of last year, 2010. For six years he'd had minor falls and such but no damage to those permanent teeth that finally came in. But even though his front teeth, all eight, had come in, none of the rest of his primary teeth had fallen out. Finally a couple of his teeth fell out. One I found just lying on top of the entertainment center, the other I never found so I figured he swallowed it. Yet, his secondary teeth were coming in all over the place! He actually had a third tooth getting loose but the permanent tooth came up too quickly and trapped it between his other permanent tooth and the baby tooth wouldn't come out! We had to go into the dentist to have it extracted. During the exam the dentist got a good look and discovered that pretty much all of his permanent teeth were coming through the gums to the outside of his baby teeth, which were not loosening. We figure his teeth weren't loosening because he doesn't eat certain things due to his autism and sensory issues (think raw carrots, apples, celery-anything hard and crunchy) so they don't get used. He doesn't chew most of his food very well so it really wasn't a big surprise that they weren't falling out.

So on the Friday before I was due with D1, S1 and I headed for the hospital to check him in for the extractions. He ended up having to have eight teeth removed!!! He came through like a champ though and was back to normal by Monday for school. All of his other teeth looked good so I thought we'd be in the clear for the next couple of years. That's how often autistic kids usually have to go to the dentist and be knocked out to do their dental work. Once again I was grateful for how well things went, that and the fact that S1 had already maxed out his deductible for the year so it didn't cost us anything! But I was not to be so lucky, well, and neither was S1.

The end of March 2011 rolls around. As many of you know, S1 likes to escape. We essentially live in Ft. Knox. Anyway, the morning before I am to go out of town for the weekend, I open S1's door to let him out and get ready for school. When he greats me his face, shirt, pillow, and hand are all covered in dried blood! He didn't seem upset at all. His room only has two pieces of furniture in it - his bed and his toy "shelf" that has rounded corners. Of course he can't talk so he can't tell me what the heck happened. But upon investigating him and his room (blood down the side of the cupboard and on the rail), I drew the conclusion that he tried to get back into bed, slipped, and caught his teeth on the edge of the bed frame. His bed is kind of a loft style with cupboards underneath with a round metal rod frame. He has a stool to help him climb up but he may not have used it or possibly had a seizure. Either way he caught his teeth on it and pulled numbers 9 and 10 forward totally out of place. I immediately called his dentist only to find that he was in surgery until 2 pm that day!

So I took S1 to our family dentist- which although S1 didn't appreciate (no cartoons on the walls) he was fairly cooperative. The dentist moved his teeth back into place and used fishing line and bonding agent to splint his front six teeth together. I wondered what the insurance code for fishing line was. He literally had to send the dental assistant to Wal-Mart to go buy some fishing line. Anyway, S1 did need me to hold him down, the assistant to hold his head still and the dentist to do the work but he didn't melt down and opened when the dentist told him to. We also were able to get x-rays. So I'd call it successful. But the x-ray revealed that he would probably need at least one root canal, if not two. Only time would tell. We went back one week later and things were healing and firming up well so we were hopeful even though things were starting to discolor a little. The dentist felt it was prudent with S1's falling and tongue thrust to leave the splint on and have S1's regular dentist take it off at our next regular appointment.

*I should note here that I felt so bad I hadn't heard S1. Usually I hear everything. I hear when he wakes up at two a.m. or at five a.m. or anywhere in between. I hear him babbling, laughing, knocking on his door, jiggling his door handle, and then after I ascertain that he's just entertaining himself, (sometimes after getting up, turning off his light and telling him it's still time to sleep) I roll back over, tune him out and go back to sleep. It's a little harder when he's playing his french horn though! Anyway, I must have been sleep deprived due to the baby because I had heard nothing. No crying (it must have hurt) or door knocking made it through to my consciousness.

End of April, beginning of May comes around and it's time for S1's cleaning. At this point it's obvious that S1 needs the two root canals-but his pediatric dentist doesn't do root canals on permanent teeth. We get S1's splint off and teeth cleaned. Then we go through the circus of trying to find someone to do the root canals. Since I want to make sure things get done right, we really need an endodontist but none of them have hospital privileges. We needed a hospital because none of the anesthetist want to work with him outside of the hospital due to his seizure disorder and meds. We didn't want a dentist with hospital privileges because if he got in there and it was more complicated than he could do, we'd have to pay for all of that plus repeat it for an endodontist. So FINALLY we found an endodontist about 40 minutes away who uses the same anesthetist as our pediatric dentist and had sedated S1 in the past. We finally were able to get all the scheduling arranged and at the end of the first week of August he finally had them done. Due to the sensitivity of the tooth after the root canal, number 9 couldn't be bleached (something to do in the future), but other than that, S1's mouth was back to normal and he seemed unaffected by it all. They got x-rays while in there and everything looked good with the rest of his teeth too. "Hooray! No more mouth issues," I thought.

Well, this summer brought an increase in drop seizures for S1. We'd been working on changing his meds and they seemed to be helping. But while he was at school last week, he started to take off running and had one. He tried to get his hands up but didn't get them there in time and instead broke his fall with his face. More specifically, he stopped his fall with his teeth. The ones he just had root canals on. So I had to run to his school and rush him to his dentist, again. Luckily teeth #8 and #9 were not loose enough to warrant anything being done, not even a splint. However, he did knock a sizeable chunk off the corner of #8 (his right side) but the nerve was not exposed. If it discolors in the next six weeks, he will need a root canal! If not it will just be sensitive since the nerve is now closer to the edge of the tooth. To fix it, he'll probably need to be sedated since the white stuff they use to do it with is really sensitive to touch and moisture (keeping his lip off of it while it is formed and sets is the issue at hand-Dentist said he has really strong lips, who knew? Must be all that trumpet and french horn playing). So that fix will have to wait until the root canal or his next sedation. Tooth #9 already had a root canal and is dead. He did chip off part of the bottom of that tooth so the next time he is sedated, we'll file it down. Other than that his lip was a little swollen but he went back to his normal cheery self. The "best" part is that right now we have no dental insurance (it kicks in Nov 1st). But his dentist is the best and he didn't even charge me for the visit! So, I'll count this whole incident as a blessing because it could have been so much worse.

However, I really am praying for a respite from anymore tooth damage. With his natural gap, a slight increase in it from the March incident and now the chip, it looks like his two front teeth are miles apart. Yes I am that vain. I love my baby boy and want him to look and feel his best. I worry that people won't get past the physical appearance to get to know how sweet he truly is. I also don't want others to think I am not taking good care of him because I try so hard to do so. Hopefully we'll get his meds figured out because I really don't want him to always have to wear a helmet and face guard- if he'd even do it now. I also can't bear the thought of anything else happening to his poor teeth. Unfortunately we can't do anything about capping them, crowning them or dental implants because his mouth continues to grow into adulthood and until it stops growing and the teeth stop moving, they can't do any of those things to his front teeth at least. So please, pray for his teeth and my sanity.

I can't believe she's almost one!

This past year has just flown by. It probably just seems that way to me because I've been in a stupor. Having a newborn and sleep deprivation will do that to a person. Whenever I try to imagine what was going on a year ago I'm flummoxed. Then I realize I was pregnant then. And that just doesn't seem possible because that would mean that D1 isn't here yet and it seems like she's been a part of our family forever. Dave also started grad school last fall so to protect my sanity I've probably just blocked out most of it. I'm sure you would too if you had a newborn, a son with autism, three kids in three different elementary schools, a husband who was working full time while going to grad school full time while also working a side job -or two, being the mission "mom" for a sibling, plus all that goes into running a house. Basically, D1 (that stands for Daughter #1 by the way) was a bright ray of sun that helped me to stay afloat. Don't get me wrong, the boys make me happy too. But really, who can look at a baby and not smile? She just makes everyone happy. Anyway, you may have seen these photos on Facebook, but I thought I'd post them again. They are of D1 the day after she was born.

Anyway, every time she does something new I get amazed because I just can't believe how quickly she's growing. I certainly enjoyed the first four months spending as much time cuddling her in the recliner as possible. By the time she was five months old she was army crawling everywhere to get toys she wanted. At the end of her fifth month she was sitting up. Six months old brought four teeth. Seven months brought actual full on speed crawling. Eight months brought the end of nursing as she was too focused on seeing what her brother's were doing, even though she could only hear them. Now she's approaching a year, cruising everywhere, climbing on everything, going up and down the stairs, gives the sweetest kisses, says hi and a handful of other words, wants to feed herself and is in general a very determined and resourceful little girl. Her seventh tooth is coming in and she's standing up on her own and trying to start walking. And to top it all off she is as cute as a button!

I seriously feel like she's been part of our family forever. I didn't miss her before she got here or felt like anyone was missing but I can't imagine life without her now. She is a loving kid. I love to see her and S1 try to give each other kisses. It's so tender. She absolutely adores him. S2 makes her laugh her head off. With S3 she knows she'll have a good time, but might also get bonked so sometimes she's ambivalent. When Dad walks in the door she absolutely lights up. D1 is also very social. She loves to visit with others at church and is happy to visit others in their home. She positively loves her little cousins! She lucked out and has three cousins, all girls, born within a year of her. She loves to give the two she's met kisses and hugs.

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I LOVE having a little girl! Dressing her up is fun but it's just different than the boys. I was enamoured with the boys too but this is some how different. It's hard to put my finger on and I'm not sure if it's just because we had such a large gap. But oh how I love having her. I guess part of it is that my expectations for our relationship versus my relationship with the boys are somewhat different.

I imagine the boys growing up and leaving me. One day, two of them at least-hopefully, will find a woman to replace me. Someone they'll love more than me. It's inevitable. It's the way it's supposed to be. They'll start their own homes and they'll still love me, but they won't need me like they need me now. But with a girl it's different. It's her dad that'll get replaced, I'll always be her mom. If I do things right, I'll always be the woman she loves the most. Well, at least until she has her own daughter and then she'll realize just how much I love her.

It's about time

Well, in perusing my friend's blog, it came to my attention that I've neglected my blog for at least the past fifteen months. I figured I should rectify that situation. But it's about time, in more ways than one. Simply put I just haven't had time in the past fifteen months, or energy for that matter, to do anything besides grow a baby, take care of said baby, and feed, clothe, and clean the other kids I've already got! Don't ask me what I do for fun because I couldn't tell you. I know I've started reading a book or two but I never had time to get past the first couple of chapters and couldn't name them right now if I tried. Having three kids in three different elementary schools and having a newborn probably didn't help much either!

Having a baby at 35 yrs old is quite a bit different than having one at 24, 26 or 29. Considering that my get up and go got up and went when I was 31, it's been quite a challenge just to survive, much less thrive. I get one mess cleaned up, turn to find another one and by the time I get the second mess taken care of, the first mess is back! So I live the movie Groundhog Day very consistently.

Despite how I have felt, we've done quite well. S2 was in the gifted program last year and it took a lot of my energy to keep him focused on his homework. This year he's in the program again but gets going on his homework on his own this year. However, he gets distracted easily and I find myself expending energy constantly redirecting him (his baby sister and legos are major distractions). His science project may just kill me. He's doing the work but it takes so much time. He played baseball this summer and was on swim team and loved them both. I even managed to make it to a few games and every swim meet, I think.

S3 loved kindergarten but did well switching to a new school for first grade. Now he and S2 are at the same school. I begged the principal to take pity on me so I'd only have kids in two schools instead of three this year. Thank goodness it worked! S3 loved soccer camp and gymnastics over the summer. He was also super excited he was tall enough to go down the water slides by himself this year. He's playing in a Fall/Spring soccer league right now and loves to play defender but does a decent job as a "striker". The hardest part is getting him to try and "take" the ball away from an opponent.

S1 still loves his private school and his aides there. He will now say bye as we walk to the car instead of when we drive away in the car! When they go on walks he stays with and follows the group instead of taking off on his own. Now if he'd only do that when I take him out. As always he surprises us with the things he knows and his clever tricks. He is also listening and understanding better and making good choices. The other day when we went out to the van, he ran into the middle of the road in front of the house. I yelled at him while moving toward him, "Michael, get out of the road. You wait by the van or on the grass - Out of the road!" Usually that's his clue to run like a maniac down the middle of the road away from me. But he ran directly back to our van. I was amazed. Of course I heaped on the praise.

D1 just grows and changes everyday and is truly a bundle of joy (and energy, determination, and spirit!) She is more of a monkey than I remember the boys being. If we are all doing it, then by golly, she wants to be doing it too. Forget being a baby. And sadly, all too soon she won't be.

Dave switched jobs in August and now has a marching band. We essentially haven't seen him since August. He re-enters our lives mid-November. With fall break we may actually get to see him for a few days before then!

Apparently I am feeling hopeful about time and energy as I went to my local library and put myself on the wait list for "The Help". Don't get too excited for me yet though, I am like number 23 for one of 11 books so it could still be several weeks-which is fine with me because I don't know if I've got time to read yet! At least I've seen the movie so I'm not dying to read what the fuss is all about.

I guess the other reason why blogging has gone by the wayside is that I finally got a Facebook account. It's a lot easier to post snippets than entire paragraphs! Although I admit that sometimes paragraphs do get posted.

So maybe I'm back to blogging, who knows? I do feel I should write something about D1, because she's just a little ray of sunshine in our lives. But I'll leave that for another time when I'm not quite so tired. And if you really want to know how we are doing, just give me a call!